St. Susie's Day

St. Patrick's Day will now forever be known as St. Susie's Day in our lives. It's so difficult to write a post like this, it's like you don't know where to begin. Maybe with a memory.

The first time I met Susie was July 24th 2011, it was her birthday. Scott and I had been dating for a few months and Susie and Ken (his parents) had decided to come up for a few days to spend her birthday with us. It had been a long time since I'd "met the parents" so I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. We all want to be liked and more than anything we want to be liked and accepted by our boyfriend's parents. It was her birthday, so I searched high and low for a small gift for the wonderful matriarch that I was about to meet. It's not an easy task to shop for a person you've never met, but I settled on a beautiful and vibrant floral summer scarf from Ann Taylor. It was almost like sharing a piece of me through my gift; I love scarves and it turned out, so did Susie.

They were staying at the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco, which at the time, was right around the corner from Scott's apartment in Nob Hill. We strolled over to the hotel and went straight up to their room with gifts in hand ready for our celebration dinner. Ken opened the door and greeted us both with hugs and I followed Scott further into the room to meet his mother. The cutest and warmest person you've ever seen and a hugger from my own heart. I knew right away after that hug that this was a safe place and that we were already like family. Susie, from the start, was the perfect mother in law.

Over the next two years we spent a lot of wonderful times together. A summer trip to Palm Springs, just the 3 of us (Susie, Scott and I. Scott used to take this trip just him and his mom but they invited me to join them), a weekend in Napa for Mother's Day and a Christmas time dinner with my family and theirs. Great memories. I can't believe that we don't get to make any more. 

Susie was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer in late February of 2013. I never thought that when I met Susie only 2 years earlier that I would be there when she took her last breaths. I don't even know how you live through the death of a mother, wife/partner, daughter, sister or friend. It's an impossible feat. I look back at this time last year and I don't know where the year went, how could we have already lived a year without her. Those last 3 weeks were both precious and awful. When I went down to San Diego to be with them there was nothing but undying love from dusk til dawn. We would all sit in her sisters living room together and just talk about everything. She brought us all together. And now I say "us" because she invited me into her family and their lives. 

I wish Susie would have been one of the lucky survivors of this awful plague. You can't help but think of how great of a grandmother she would have been. It was like she was born to be a grandmother. It's funny how we get to this stage of our lives and all of a sudden our parents turn into grandparents and its like meeting them for the first time. There is a whole new light to their lives and the energy of young life just rejuvenates them. I would have loved to see that new light in her eyes, it would have looked great on her. 

Susie gave me a gift of love without even knowing it. The day of the memorial, I can't even count how many times people came up to me and said "I wanted to meet you, because Susie talked about you all the time and she just loved you." I think I cried every time I heard it. I knew she loved me but when people from all walks of life come to tell you it feels like a gift from her.   I couldn't speak that day at the cemetery, I couldn't find my words or courage but if I had there were so many things to say. Most importantly I would have said how blessed I was to have her as a mother in law and that her beautiful light shines through Scott and Brent and everyone that knew her. 

Via con dios,

Shenine joon